Manner-isms

We've all come across one at some point in time. You know the rude and obnoxious self- entitled loudmouth holding up the line at the supermarket. I don't want my Tom to be that jerk, so with his vocabulary and awareness growing at weed's pace, we've started to focus on manners. It's no longer acceptable for him to just yell for and demand his favorite things like juice and banana or book without the required pleases and thank-yous. He's doing well for the most part. I even heard him say "Bless you," to his cousin once and I don't remember teaching him to say  that, so I'm proud and impressed that he gets it. I always have to suppress a laugh whenever he walks up to me with his head cocked to one side and his palms up and he lisps "Peath Mama." ("Please Mama.") It's just so adorable to see. Of course I may have a well-mannered son, but he's a well-mannered sneaky son as I learned a few days ago while I was doing dishes. Tom shouted "Peath!" from his room while watching cartoons. Being distracted in my own thoughts and the mundane task of dishes, I must have  automatically replied, "OK!" because he took a moment to run over to me and sweetly say, "Enk you Mama!" (Thank-you Mama!) before dashing back. Ten minutes later I went over to check on him and there he was on the bed, rubbing  lotion on everything in his reach. From his stuffed Elmo toy, to the duvet, his clothes and his hair. It was a creamy vanilla oatmeal mess. He looked  up at me grinning and  rubbing his small palms together and said, "Mmm, enk you Mama, kith!" (Mmm, thank-you Mama, kiss!) Needless to say our next lesson went a little something like, "Sorry Mama, hug!"

Nope Mine!

Hi everyone its been a long time since I chronicled my adventures with Tom I know, but the Christmas holidays always drag me into that vortex of lazy fun! But now we're back and ready for a new year and new experiences...

Ok, I think we're raising a selfish pessimist. This boy walks around the house clinging to every single toy he owns shrugging his shoulders and shaking his head saying, "mine!" Indeed our innocent boy has taken a bite off the forbidden apple and no longer submits to mommy hugs and kisses. Rather, he's embraced a brave new world of No and Mine. A world where it's alright to look your mom right in the eye when she calls you, and yell "NO!" as you walk into the coat closet and shut her out. I'm annoyed and exasperated by the negative aura in the house. I'm a little worried at Tom's refusal to do anything. He says no to food, bathing, brushing his teeth or combing his hair. I'm afraid some day I'll have to carry to bed a scrawny, hungry, dirty, smelly, boy with singing hot apple juice breath and dreadlocks! But then again, I could take a page out of, Tom's Selfishness Guide for Dummies, and own it. Hi, my name is Amanda and our son is a selfish naysayer!
Happy Valentine's Everybody.

Ode to Thompson...

My Miracle
An ode to my firstborn child…

I held the miracle of life in awe
When at first my newborn baby I saw
Balancing him deftly in the crook of my elbow
While rocking him gently for show
O the fuss and excitement of all in tow

The round pure white of his eye
Made me at once to break down and cry
Overwhelmed and amazed by this brand new life
As yet untouched by any human strife
O give thanks and praise to this new life!

Gently, softly , lovingly my hands
Ran through the scarcely follicled head
While his father already the worried dad
Pulled and tugged and checked
Each miniature brown appendage
Making sure there was no breakage
It just would not do for his newborn son to wear any bandage

Sliding the swathed bundle across my chest
I vowed in that instant
With his life I shan’t jest
But rather I’ll honour this precious moment
Filled with life love and contentment
My new miracle of life
               AMEN!

Good Job! High Five!

I knew this would happen someday. I knew the moment would eventually come when I would suddenly realize and accept fully that yes indeed Tom is a boy. A  full fledged little boy made of  "frogs and snails and puppy dog's tails." Emphasis on the puppy dog's tails in this instance. There I was giving Tom his morning bath when he stood proudly, legs parted. bum clenched, hips thrust forward, with his  hands and eyes on the prize, as a steady trickle flowed and tinged the bubbles yellow. Thompson proudly looked up at me with his  saucer eye expression and  big grin ,and declared, "Pee!" Then he leaned over the tub and pushed me aside and yelled, "Daddeee!" So Aleck came over and Tom said, "Dude! pee! goodop!" and gave his dad  a high five excitedly. It was really amusing for me to watch Tom so proud of his pee and his need for praise from his dad whom he'd obviously practiced with, otherwise Tom would have had to squat and pee! Having bonded over pee, Tom and Aleck have taken the logical next step and will often be heard laughing and high five-ing  over synchronized  farts and sing-song burps. Yep, I definitely live with boys in all their stinky valor. You can almost see the testosterone bounce  off my walls each time Tom and his dad play ball indoors and punctuate each kick and throw, (usually aimed at my clean walls and furniture and prized lamps and vases by the way), with, "Oh man!" and "Whoa! whoa!" and of course their favorite, "Good  job! high 5!"  I could go on about how I now have to watch my t.v shows online, because video games and basketball trump wedding shows and The Food Network any day, but really I must go, I'm pretty sure Tom's shaving in the bathroom!

We No Speak Americano!

Gibberish. Gibberish is the language of The Toddler Nation, with over twenty-nine million speakers, 98% of whom live in homes worldwide as dependents of their parents. Gibberish is the most widely spoken language in Toddler residences as well as being understood by confused, patient and intrigued parents everywhere. Gibberish speakers belong to the Toddler group of people in their first two years of life and is considered to be mutually intelligible with Body Language, Manual Communication (insert pointing, flailing arms,tugging and pulling, stomping feet and lots of screaming,) and the Mother Tongue-the primary language used  in the home. As can be seen in the sample conversation below, each Gibberish speaker has his own dialect which is usually a variation of the aforementioned Mother Tongue.This specific sample dialect of Gibberish, is known in our household as Tomspeak.
Gibberish, a sample:

"Tatatatada ta!" (Tom holds out both hands and waves them up and down.)

"Hmm, baby?" (Confused mom feigns attention to speaker and nods head while replying.)

"Tatada  da!" (Toddler continues to wave hands and stomps feet for good measure.)

"Oh, tadada, ok Tom," (Even more confused mom attempts to mollify Toddler with positive answer.)

"Nyo! Mamma! tadara ra  ta!" (Angry and patronized Toddler wails and throws head back in frustration.)

"Huh?"

"O man! dew Mamma, dew"

"Ahh juice?"

Tom nods head with satisfied smile on his face and points to fridge, "Dew."

Relieved mom quickly pours juice and  notes the meaning and sound of  "dew" in Gibberish all the while praying  that it will still be the same sound next time, knowing how fluid and ever changing the language is. As can be seen Gibberish relies heavily on gesticulation of the speaker and guesswork and feigned understanding of the parent. Gibberish being a transition language slowly dissipates as the speaker's language skills develop and improve with time and practice. Parents are encouraged to listen, laugh and wonder at the language explosion! 

Disclaimer: This article has not necessarily been approved or accepted by the International Board of Linguistics. The Toddler Nation continues in its efforts to have Gibberish be an accepted and formally recognized language and not a term used to describe meaningless talk!

Dear Grandma

Hi Gogo. I often think of you now that you're gone. I wonder Gogo,where you are,do you see me now? Do you see the woman I’m becoming and strive to be? Do you se the fruits of all your labour, your passion, your dedication and treasured life lessons in me? I’ve come a long way from being just  Shortie. That ginger haired skinny girl with big dreams that spoke a mile- a- minute and sang loudly out of tune at family gatherings. Here I am Gogo all grown up, still ginger, chatty and tone deaf but somehow wiser and happier. Can you believe it I live with a boy now! Yes Gogo, I finally found someone who was brave enough to reign in my crazy and love me. Now we have a beautiful baby boy named Thompson. Do you see us? Do you see Tom running around all day screaming, shouting, laughing and crying? He’s a wonderful  little boy. The cliché rings true you know. I never knew just how much love my heart could hold till I had Tom. He brings us so much joy. I wake up each morning to the sound of his sweet little voice. “Mamma!” Well actually its not that little when he’s calling, it’s rather loud and demanding. Yet I don't mind it one bit. I welcome his urgent need to see me so that he can  feel safe and secure.I love that even at eight o’clock in the morning before his day begins, before he’s seen anything and done anything, Tom needs to call on me first. He needs me. Do you see that I’m there? There for my Tom. Do you see me dragging myself out of bed to tend to him when he calls? Do you see his face light up as he reaches up to me and coos, “Mamma”? Do you see him running around the house sliding in his socks pushing his cars around, bothering his dad, talking nonsense, downing gallons of apple juice and carrying on his merry way? What about the times when we fight? When he’s angered me and I'm  frustrated and  kneeling and pointing, emphasizing lessons and threatening time-outs. How about when he decides to throw a tantrum right when Oprah starts and he insists we go outside and play ball -Grrr! It’s a charmed life isn’t it! But it’s my life and I got to have it because I was lucky enough to have known  a wise old lady called Emily who loved me and instilled in me such sound values and good morals that now abound  in my own home. I hope you’re proud Gogo. 
Like you always said- “Till we meet again…”
Love always Shortie.

"Yum yum yum yum yum, ¡delicioso!"

So it happened. Thompson has been sucked into the alluring vortex of cartoons namely Dora and Diego. Our house is filled with chants of "Diedo!" and "D-D-Dora!" Like all parents who've been ambushed while innocently picking a few things for the house at Walmart and  had to succumb to the no doubt money churning industry of endless aisles of children's merchandise and buy all things Dora and Diego, from toothbrushes to Cd's, amidst the screaming, pointing demanding and downright threats to jump off the cart by our cartoon crazed toddlers once they see a brightly packaged noisy toy! Our television privileges have come a far second to Thompson's constant demands to watch the same episodes of Diego's Underwater Adventures over and over again.When  he's not watching that he's busy sneaking around as Swiper the Fox  hunched over while clicking  his fingers and screaming "Oh, maat!" ( Tom's gibberish version of Swiper's popular phrase "Oh, man!") Really at this point of his obsession I won't be surprised if Tom doesn't grow up to direct a Dora musical. One good thing about his shows though, is that they  are helping Tom to build  his vocabulary and apply some of the words to his everyday life. We usually have to fight and fuss over meal and snack-times but today i noticed Tom happily feeding himself his yogurt and declaring, "Yum yum yum yum! deyishioso!" with every spoonful. No doubt a chant from Dora's magical  Backpack.